Saying Goodbye

It is the end of an era in our short little lives. Saying goodbye to Sheri and Luke (and Jack!) has been really hard for me. I got used to having my sister around, something I haven't had since I was in high school really. And gosh, how things have changed since then. Being able to share my babies with her has been amazing, and really shown me what a beautiful and rare thing is it to have a sister I can love so much and be able to share my everyday life with. Now that this period has ended, it is the start of many great and wonderful things in her life. And I will miss being able to share those moments with her. But I will find ways to fill up the hole in my heart that has been left by her absence. Not that anything can replace her, but I will find new things to focus on in the day to day so that I am not constantly missing her. And Jack, of course. It is bittersweet to say good-bye to my unborn nephew. But I will learn to focus on all of the wonderful memories to come with little Jack.

I feel very selfish, with this sadness in my heart. I want to feel nothing but joy and love for everything good that is coming into Sheri and Luke's lives, as well as my parent's lives of course. I want this so much, but I don't know how to make it happen. How do you stop missing those you love? I feel this is one of the greatest emotional challenges I have yet faced. I am confident that I can succeed, but less confident about figuring out how.

I am sure everyone can relate to these same feelings on many different levels.

"Time heals all wounds."  But this is not a wound. This is love. I just have so much love in my heart and want to be able to love them all, every single person in my family, but I don't know how to express it and experience it from so far away. It was much easier with Sheri here because I found it so easy to communicate and experience so much love with her. But now that she is gone, it reinforces how much love I have for my parents and brother as well, and how hard it is to share it when they are all so far.

Mentally, I am OK. My mind knows that I have a wonderful life and am blessed with so much. But emotionally, I am struggling to convince my heart that everything is fine. I am frustrated with my selfish little heart.

I supposed over time I will become more focussed on my children and husband and adapt to life without my sister here. It will be different though. Even though I lived here for several years without her here, she has been here almost the entire lives of my children. It has been amazing. Thank you for all of your love, Sheri.